I'm having one of those days where I hate everything and everyone, and anyone who talks to me is either getting infected by this monster mutation of a cold I've contracted, or getting bitchslapped. It doesn't help that it's Open Day at my university - where I live on campus in college - so to get anywhere I have to walk through hordes of grating, unspeakably eager kids who appear - to my fevered brain - to be nothing more than bags of flesh full of dreams swilled from advertisements and coke, and projected personas built on nothing but air, pretension, and the bitter illusion of emancipation. Also, crackwhores.

So what I've learned from this is that it takes me becoming hallucinogenically ill and having to walk through a crowd of sloppily dressed tourists (I mean really people, you're about to go to university, home of the hopelessly indie and the never-say-die-punk. There is no excuse for dirty highschool tracksuits) for me to lose control of my tightly buried font of misanthropic rage.

This has been a PSA coming straight at you from the black oilslick soul of a girl who hasn't eaten solid foods in five days.

In other news, I may become a pornstar.



Desiderata by Anon.
Bloodhound Arthur, hellhound Arthur. Teeth only bared to bite. Fire-and-ice Arthur, stick-in-the-mud Arthur, never-knows-best Arthur.

Arthur, who follows Edith Piaf like a sailor to his watery awakening. Explosive Arthur, clean-kill Arthur, silent and polite. Arthur, whose hands are warm. Arthur.

I want to live my life like this story. This is why I love Inception, and its fledgling supernova of a fandom. The movie was never about finding reality, because it's all about catharsis, and catharsis is never something that exists except in our own minds, and in the spiderweb connections between ours, and those of others, or between the butterfly layers of our own heads.

The movie plants a seed in our minds, and that seed is fire, that seed is life, that seed is fuck shit up until you come out gasping and with your heart flayed bare. Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling. We cascade between the different realities of the stories we model our lives on, and how much we enjoy our charade is exactly the same as how far we are willing to go to see ourselves fly and fall and flail and fuck.

We live how the music we listen to tells us to. Regret nothing, return to nothing, dive and dive and dive until you come out into a place that makes you happy, that leaves you breathless with all the things you never knew you could have until you had to fight for them.

And for those of us in fandom, those of us who already live more in stories, more the dreams we keep and write, and read, and create and vid inside our heads, those of us who experience and act upon the world through that miasma of storytelling, Inception is the holy grail, because it's whispering, all along, in every frame, it whispers to us, it tells us, 'life is like this. Life is yours, and how you live it is the most brilliant way anyone can live, because we are all just swirling dreams inside caskets of flesh. Tell a story, and live through lines of binary codes on the internet, live in your skin, in your head, every way, every means to emotion and life, every reality is just as valid as any other.'

Because it is. Because all that matters is catharsis, and how we find those frissons of emotion that remind us what it is to be human, and to strive for that next kick, to find an idea burning away in the pit of your soul that is no less valid for having been sown by the worlds you dream in and love.

And in the fandom, we create the people we always wanted to be, the people we will be, the people we are for ever having even dreamed of them, for ever even having the ability to create them. Eames, Cobb, Arthur, Ariadne, Fischer, Saito, Yusuf, Michael Caine; once we start writing them, we start performing inception on ourselves.

Because that's what storytelling is. That's what life is. That's all we ever do, all we ever do is create ourselves and the world around us, and search eternally for the inception to ride like a wave onto the shore of something greater.