charlieblue: (baby did a bad pretty thing)
Something like a crossroads song ([personal profile] charlieblue) wrote on April 17th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Dreamwidth, Leverage and Change, oh my!
Guys, you guys! I signed up for open ID over at Dreamwidth, and actually got an account in the lucky draw. I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST AN URBAN CYBER MYTH.

I don't usually make self-referential posts, as most on my flist would know. My journal is almost entirely fannish, but for what it's worth;

So I've never been fussed by change, in fact, if anything, I am lost without it. I stagnate. This isn't just online, it's in every aspect of my life. I have to keep moving, I have to meet new people, I cycle through them so quickly my head spins - I have Issues (capital I) with prolonged friendship.

I have maybe three friends who I have kept (because of course all friends should be referred in terminology that is more usually applied to pets and things, but, as Agent Auldridge would say, I digress) longer than a year or two. It's not always a conscious decision, it's just how I am. I never mean to hurt people, but people are people, and most never change. That includes me. I change my externals because I can't change my internals, my sense of self, my basic brain chemistry as much as I would like. I'm the kind of fucked up who would actually sign up for the Dollhouse, which is does not in any way, manner or form, mean I condone the concept.

Can you tell I'm an actress?

I was lucky enough to have amazing parents who took me and my sisters travelling all over the world from age 2 onwards. I moved away from home at 17, the instant I finished highschool. I'm planning to move overseas when I finish college. When people ask me what I want to be, I have to physically restrain myself from singing out a ream of plans that range from owning a rundown shotgun shack of a bookshop in the middle of nowhere to completely overhauling the UN.

My point being (and I'm sure I had a point somewhere), is that I couldn't care less about all the uproar I see spreading like wildfire through LJ at this prodigal kid sister who's suddenly come into her own. I'm gonna stay on LJ and I'm gonna explore DW, and there might be something lost in translation, friends who, no matter how hard I try, fall through the electronic cracks in between and strange glitches in the makeup of my online universe.

Fandom, in my view, tends to function a lot like galactic politics does, with the BNFs comprising the pinnacles of ziggurats encircled by first friends, or maybe even 'circles' to use this DW image-laden terminology, and then in ever expanding concentric circles, friendsfriends, then further friends, one of which might be a Big Name in another fandom, and so by this tentative connection, straddles the gap to another galaxy, swirling round and round in the constant state of flux, chaos and growth we all know from any active fandom.

The shifting, fluid periphery powers can become central, while suns burn out or move on, and some can supernova into incandescent explosions of wank. It's a politics of recognition, more than anything. The power of the internet lies in the power of a name, which is another thing about Dreamwidth that I think, unconsciously, has a lot of people riled up. Names. Someone could start all over again with the name they always wanted, and when names are all you know some strange entity with, that can be subconsciously upsetting, a jarring notion, something that can upset recognition, or become an indicator of unusual disregard for the widely-accepted assumption of the importance of a screen-name.

Just to be clear, friends online occupy a different space for me than friends in real life. People with whom I communicate and interact with purely through words, art, images, creations, songs, sounds, written conversational dialogues and octologues, these are like air for me, and I could live off that kind off that kind of stuff forever, where even the smallest of interactions requires heightened employment of imagination. I don't want to move on from any of you lovely, brilliant, incredible people.

So. Change is good.

Gymnopédies - 1. Lent Et Douloureux by Erik Satie




Unexpected Wolverine is unexpected, but too blindingly hot not to include at the last minute. ;)

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